


Out Like a Light

by PrinceObvious



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Dancer, Dancer Eren Yeager, Established Relationship, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Sick Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sickfic, but I'm not gonna mention that too much, it's not important, no beta we die like men, they're still in high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:16:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceObvious/pseuds/PrinceObvious
Summary: After 3 years of remission, Levi is diagnosed with Leukemia. For the third time. At 18 years old he was both a statistical nightmare and a miracle. Meanwhile, Eren is an hour away and auditioning to get into the dance department at Sam Houston University. At 17 years old he was beautiful and had already won more awards for dancing than he could keep track of.I suck at summaries, but this fic is basically just gonna be a big sad struggle because that's all I know how to do. No major character deaths but warning for hospitals, illness, depression, etc.





	1. Blindside

**Author's Note:**

> The POV is gonna switch a lot this first chapter for storytelling purposes but after this it'll mostly be one or the other every chapter
> 
> Eren's gonna have green eyes for this fic even though I know Isayama said they're gray. It'll just makes things easier because Levi's eyes are also grayish/blueish and damn if I don't love green eyed Eren to hell and back  
> It's rated M for future language and sexy times, I just didn't want to start it off as T with what's coming down the line (might creep up a bit higher than M tbh)

Levi.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"No. I'm very sorry Levi, but it looks like it's back and just based on the MRI...it doesn't look too good right now."

Levi dropped his hands to grip the armrests of his chair hard enough that his knuckles turned white and his fingers hurt. He couldn't believe it. It should have been just another regular yearly follow up appointment where his doctor would tell him the cancer was still gone and he was as healthy as he could be expected, congratulations. Just his luck that he'd have another relapse. "Okay," he stopped to unclench his fists from his wheelchair and started again, "Okay, just go ahead and give me my results then. What did the scans look like?"

"The leukemia seems to have started in your lower spine which is probably why you didn't notice any pain sooner considering you've been confined to your chair for quite some time now. That's probably why you didn't notice fatigue or weakness that you would have worried about it. And I'm sure you haven't been doing full body checks or you would have noticed the bruising along your lower back. You're lucky it hasn't moved into your chest cavity and lungs but it's probably made it's way down a good portion of the nerves in your thighs aside from the bones themselves and it looks like it's starting to move onto your lower abdominal organs at this point. We'll have to do more scans to get your whole lower body and chest. After the next set of results we can talk about starting a new round of chemo and radiation."

The doctor kept talking but he'd heard almost this exact thing twice before and didn't need to sit through it for a third time. 

So instead he pulled out his phone and opened up the messenger application. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to tell his boyfriend. He knew Eren was probably busy with his audition and wouldn't have his phone on him. He typed out a vague 'I've got good news and bad news' text and hit send.

"Alright, I'm gonna leave. You can just give me a call if there's anything else I need to know. We've been over this before, and I'd honestly much rather be alone right now." Really he wanted to see Eren but it was only the first day of his 2 day audition so he knew he wouldn't be able to see him as soon as he would have liked to.

The ride on the hospital shuttle back to his apartment building was quiet but short. Levi was already tired despite only having been out of the house for a few hours and it was just barely after noon. He was going to need a long nap when he got home.

 

Eren.

It was just before noon and all the dancers were slowly shuffling into the studio again after lunch. They'd all been there since six that morning and they were still scheduled to be there for another six hours going over combinations and a short routine that they would be evaluated on the next day.

Eren was exhausted but didn't mind at all. He was enjoying himself and focusing on the instructions and movement helped him ignore the strain that dancing always put on his body. All the other dancers were around his age and equally as talented, but space was limited so he was willing to push himself. He was even more determined than he would have been if he was just doing the regular audition, but to get into the MFA program he was also required to perform an original solo piece the next day after the group evaluations were over.

He felt his phone buzz out a text alert from inside his bag as he was putting it up in a cubby on the wall in the dance studio they were set up in but knew he didn't have time to check it right now. He figured it was probably just Levi letting him know he was out of the doctor's office. It was just a routine follow up appointment, so Eren didn't worry himself over it too much.

He moved into an empty spot on the floor and prepared to get back into it as their instructor for the evaluations stood at the front of the room and began speaking again.

 

Levi.

Levi had been in bed for almost 4 hours and he still hadn't been able to take that nap he wanted. Instead he was staring at his phone, willing the stupid thing to vibrate and for Eren to be the cause. He knew he was being a bit dramatic but he figured he was allowed given the current circumstances. 

He just reminded himself that Eren would be out of auditions for the day in just 2 hours. He had already waited this long, a couple more hours wouldn't kill him. 

At least not any more than his cancerous body already was.

A dry huff of air that Levi guessed was supposed to be a laugh wheezed its way past his dry lips. He hadn't brought water or chap stick with him when he climbed back into bed and it was too late now, he was too tired to get up again. He had also left the tv remote and his game controllers on the dresser on the other side of the room so he was well and truly bored laying in the middle of his and Eren's queen bed all by himself.

He opened his messenger again and stared at the little 'delivered' that showed next to his last text to Eren. He hadn't even read it yet. Levi almost regretted sending such a blase text but he wasn't sure how else to tell him without just coming right out and saying it but that didn't really feel like the right way to go about it either.

Rather than dwell on it further, Levi rolled until his face was buried in Eren's pillow and he tried to fall asleep.

 

Eren.

The hem of Eren's dance shirt was damp from how many times he'd used it to wipe the sweat from his face and he cringed a bit when he felt the cold fabric run over his eyelids again. The day had just ended and their instructor bowed them out with words of good luck for the following day.

Eren followed behind as the group went to grab their bags from the cubbies so they could leave for the day. He remembered the text from Levi earlier and grabbed his phone, putting his earbuds in as he brought his phone up to eye level to unlock it. He grabbed his small gym bag and let his eyes scan over the text. Knowing Levi had been to the doctor earlier in the day an unsettling spark of panic started to settle into Eren's chest when he read Levi's message. 'I've got good news and bad news.' He replied 'which one do I want to hear first?' and then began walking out of the arts building. His hotel was only a few minutes off the university school grounds so he decided to walk there.

He had just pushed open the door to his room when his phone went off in his pocket. When he was fully in the room he looked at his phone. His first instinct after reading Levi's message was to throw his phone off the balcony but he knew that wouldn't change anything and then he wouldn't be able to talk to his boyfriend.

The line hadn't even finish ringing once by the time Levi picked up. He sounded tired and his voice was a bit rough when he answered so Eren guessed he had woken him up from a nap when he had texted.

"How bad is it?"

He knew he sounded angry when he asked. He just hoped that Levi knew he wasn't angry at him.

"The doctor says it doesn't look great right now. They want to do some more scans and tests to see just how bad things are. And then of course there'll be the chemotherapy and radiation. Surgeries if that's even possible at this point."

Levi was quiet when he spoke. His voice sounded monotone and far too calm to Eren, but he reminded himself that Levi had been through this before and had already had a few hours to process the news.

Eren made himself take a deep breath as he sat on the end of his hotel bed, calming himself down.

"Okay, so how are we doing things this time? Do you want me to come home? I can talk to the school, I'm sure they'd understand the situation."

"God no!" Levi's voice sounded more expressive than the dead tone it had previously had. "You are going to finish your audition and then you can come home and we'll talk about this. We've done this before, there's no reason to worry just yet.

"Okay." Eren forced the ugly panic back down his chest and realized that Levi was right.

There wasn't anything he could do for Levi right now besides provide support. He really would just have to wait until he was back home tomorrow night for them to seriously talk about how they were going to handle things.

"Have you told your mom yet?"

Silence came from the other line for an awkwardly long time before Levi answered.

"No, I haven't."

"Levi, I know you don't want her to worry but you really need to tell her soon. We're also gonna have to tell my parents. They might not want us living alone when it comes time that you need more care."

"I know."

"We both know that this is gonna be tough but we've been through this same thing and made it out alright. Have a bit of faith for now and we'll talk more when I get home tomorrow. I need to shower and find dinner. You rest up for now okay?"

"You're right. Okay, we'll talk later. I love you."

 

Levi.

Levi felt quiet tears run down his cheeks as he heard Eren say he loved him back before ending the call.

He wasn't even sure why he was crying but he allowed it for now. He was alone and safe.

He fell back into bed from where he had sat up during his call with Eren. He knew Eren had a point, and he would have to call his mother with the news sooner rather than later. They also had to tell Carla and Grisha but Eren would wait to tell them until he had told his own mom first.

The first uncomfortable pulses of an impending headache were starting to make themselves known behind his eyes so he squeezed them shut and let his phone slide out of his numbing fingers before pressing both fists into his temples to try and hold off the pain.

He was tired again.

Levi managed to relax a bit, the thought of Eren coming home the next night putting him enough at ease to let himself fall asleep again.


	2. Ready Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ch is a bit short and filler-like because I've been too busy to work on it but it's all Levi's pov after the first little bit so y'all get to start seeing a bit of how he's feeling and how he's doing physically which is good because it doesn't get any better from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to get this chapter up way way sooner sorry folks, but irl I'm preparing a dance piece to audition for a uni I want to transfer to next next fall/spring and I'm moving in like a week so the time I've had to work on this fic has been really slim. I'm gonna try to update at least once a month with longer chapters from now on though and I should have more time to write once summer break ends and I settle into my new apartment

Eren.

Eren's phone alarm went off at 6 o'clock that morning.

He could feel just how exhausted and worn out he was but he had to be back on campus for his audition at 7 so he couldn't afford to sleep in today. He got ready quickly and was heading out of the room only a half hour later, figuring it would be better to be there early rather than late.

Eren had never been a morning person but he was especially tired after a night spent tossing and turning, worried for the health and well-being of his boyfriend back home. He knew he shouldn't have let their situation keep him from a good nights rest, especially at a time like this. Eren knew that if Levi had been fine when he left home a day ago then that wouldn't just change over night, but he still couldn't help worrying. The anxiety that he had managed to get rid of during his short phone call with Levi the night before had only come back twice as bad once he had hung up the phone and was left alone in the silence of his hotel room.

The walk to the campus arts building at least was decent. They had gotten a random cool front over night despite it only being the first week of August and it left the morning air fresh. The cold wind helped to wake him up and clear his head some.

The nerves Eren was feeling about Levi managed to shake him just enough that he could feel himself becoming nervous about his audition as well. While he was no stranger to stage fright, Eren knew that he really needed to calm down if he was going to do well out there today. He had performed publicly and competed enough to know that if he let his nerves get the better of him now, he would completely bomb his audition and now was really not the time for that.

There were a few other students in the green room of the performing arts building when Eren got there, whether they had already performed or were waiting for their time slot, he wasn't sure. They were dancing their pieces in the auditorium rather than in the studio they had worked in for evaluations the day before.

The thought of being up on stage alone while the head of the dance department and a few of the instructors looked on and judged whether or not he was good enough to be accepted into the program was intimidating, but it wasn't the worst feeling in the world.

Eren decided that he had been through worse in his life than being nervous about an audition.

Hell, Levi had already gone through way worse than anything Eren was dealing with right now. He had been in more daunting situations and come out just fine, Eren could put his worries for himself aside for now.

The clock hanging besides a tv screen that let the dancers backstage watch the auditions as they went on told him that he had to be on stage in less than fifteen minutes, which meant he only had ten minutes before he had to go wait backstage. 

Eren sent a quick text to Levi letting him know that his turn was up soon. He figured Levi would still be asleep at this time in the morning, especially if his night had been as rough as Eren's, but thought it was worth at least keeping him updated on what was happening on his end anyway.

He waited another few minutes or so for a reply but his text hadn't even been opened yet so he tucked his phone into the side pocket of his dance bag and left the room to take his place backstage.

Levi.

The sun coming in through the blinds that Levi had apparently forgotten to close the night before woke him up, much to his regret. Levi wanted nothing more than to bury his face back into Eren's pillow and sleep for another 12 or so hours, but he knew that he had slept too long already to be able to fall asleep again anytime soon.

The alarm clock that sat off to the side of the bed said that it was just a couple of minutes until seven.

Levi sat up fast enough that his vision blacked out and he groaned as he clutched his head in pain from the migraine-like feeling that accompanied the sudden movement. He grabbed for his phone where it sat charging on the floor next to the bed the second his vision cleared enough for him to do so and saw the text from Eren that had come in just over ten minutes ago.

An agitated groan made its way up Levi's throat when he realized he had woken up just too late to wish Eren good luck like he had wanted to do and would have to wait a while before his boyfriend was finished and had his phone back. He sent a text back so that Eren would at least know that he was awake when he was done with his audition.

'Sorry, I missed your text. Hope it's going well. Call when you're done if you want.' He replied.

After he sent the text Levi figured he should actually get up and do something productive for the day despite wanting to do the exact opposite.

It took another few minutes of convincing himself but Levi did eventually manage to drag himself off of his and Eren's bed (just a queen sized mattress without a bed frame that was sitting on the floor and pressed almost completely into one corner of the couple's room).

With a grimace, Levi gently walked the few steps over to the en suite bathroom to wash up, his legs and lower back protesting the movement in the form of familiar shooting pains through his nerves. The discomfort came from both disuse and atrophy, an apparently were only made worse by the newly forming tumors along his spine, but that was just another part of his daily life. He probably should've been using his wheelchair rather than trying to walk anywhere, even if it was just around the apartment, but the distance was so short that he decided it wasn't worth using the bulky thing just yet.

Seeing his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Levi wished he had just stayed in bed.

He didn't know just how tired the day before had left him, but then again, emotional shock really had a way of sneaking up on a person. Being able to see his bloodshot eyes and the veins beneath his paler than usual skin in the bathroom mirror, Levi accepted that his body was more exhausted than he'd actually realized. Just because he hadn't spent half the night crying when he heard the news like he had the last time this had happened didn't mean his mental state hadn't been upset by what had happened.

He knew the stress of the cancer had to have been taking its toll on his body for a while now given that it had been progressing untreated for some months. Levi really wondered at how he hadn't seen the signs earlier.

Of course now he noticed the slight discoloration of the skin around his hips which hinted at forming bruises when he lifted his shirt up to check, the worst of which he couldn't see and were probably clustered around the base of his spine. Then there was the fact that his appetite, and therefore his weight, had very slowly declined over the past few of months. Besides that, there was the constant sick feeling that had been following him for some time, the tender soreness hiding behind his ribs, and the bone deep ache that seemed to pound in time with the headache he was currently dealing with. 

It was stupid but Levi realized that he had willingly let himself ignore the obvious.

Levi had told himself that he had just been going through a minor bought of depression. Had assured both himself and Eren not to worry about the slight weight loss and the ache in his bones and the pain that seemed to linger all the time in his nerves. He had let himself pretend that the dark circles under his eyes and the bruises creeping around his waist hadn't slowly been getting worse recently, and had even gone so far as to limit the intimacy in his relationship to keep both Eren and himself from paying his physical health too much attention.

Between the two of them just going about life in general, Eren having been preparing for the university audition he was currently at, and both of them worrying about their last year of high school and then starting college, neither of them had let themselves believe that what Levi was experiencing could have been more than just stress despite the very obvious signs that said otherwise.

Levi ran a hand over his tired eyes before going about his usual morning routine. Nothing was different just yet. He had arms and legs that all still worked well enough and he could take care of himself, so he did.

Buzzing from back in the bedroom had Levi spitting the toothpaste out of his mouth in a hurry and scrambling out of the bathroom as fast as he could on his thin achy legs. He let himself plop down onto the mattress with little care and without checking the screen first since he already knew who it was.

"Eren. How did it go?"

The excited heavy breaths on the other line told Levi what Eren was going to say before he could but he liked to hear him talk when he was in any particularly good mood, "It went great, Levi! Of course I have no idea whether or not I'm going to get in or if they liked me and everyone else was really good too but...it was really good. I was really good. I don't think I've ever done better. I thought about you the whole time. I thought it would make me nervous with everything but it helped actually. I wrote the piece for you after all."

Levi couldn't help but smile hearing Eren talk, though he kept it out of his voice for the most part so he could tease him a bit. "You're a sap. I'm glad it went well, and if you're feeling this confident then I'm sure they liked it too. What now? Do you know what time you'll be getting back?"

"I still need to repack my bags so I can't leave right away, but check-out is at eleven so I should be home sometime after noon anyway as long as the traffic isn't too bad."

Levi unplugged his phone from the wall as he hummed in response and moved to stand up from their bed. "You remember where we live, right? When is the traffic ever anything but absolute shit?" Eren's full laughter came over the phone and Levi smiled as he continued talking, "Did you want to do anything special once you got back to celebrate? We could go out to lunch or watch some movies?"

"I'd like to, but don't you think we should talk? I know we definitely have some time and things might not even get as bad as last time, but we should still do some short-term planning at least..."

The soft popping of Levi's feet and his breath picking up with the effort of walking was probably all Eren could hear on the other end of the line as Levi slowly moved from their bedroom and into the living room without his wheelchair, but he didn't really care right then. He had managed to ignore his stupid cancer for at least the past 4 months now and unless they were actively in a hospital or doctor's office, he was more than happy to continue doing so for as long as he possibly could.

While Levi knew that Eren was right in saying that they needed to talk about it and not just pretend that nothing was wrong, he just couldn't stop the irrational anger he felt at the idea.

He didn't want to talk about it. Levi had already done this twice and he'd selfishly dragged Eren through it with him the last time. In no way did he want to do any of it over again. The radiation made him sick, the chemo made him weak, the surgeries hurt, and the emotional strain it put on him and everyone around him was awful.

As if just having cancer wasn't bad enough, he knew it would hurt Eren to see him get so sick again. Levi realized that he really wasn't ready to let any of this be their reality again. Not quite yet.

"We will talk about things. Just not yet. I need a bit more time, so when you get back we're going think of something incredibly simple and boring to do together for the rest of the day. Sound like a plan?"

He heard Eren sigh but he agreed anyway. With that they hung up so that Eren could actually get to packing up his things. Levi knew that even though he'd only been there for two days the room was probably a mess. He smiled to himself at the thought of how disorganized Eren was in comparison to himself as he stepped over to the table that stood in the small dining area beside their kitchen to sit and mentally prepare for what he was about to do.

Despite not wanting to acknowledge it, he still had to tell his mom what was going on.

Levi sat and worked on building some kind of motivation to make the call but he was really not looking forward to this conversation.

 

"Yes ma, I'll keep you updated and let you know how everything goes."

A muffled rattle of keys from outside the apartment's front door drew Levi's attention away from the phone call with his mom. He could hear the apartment door open and close softly past the very short hallway that made up the entrance when Eren walked in, "Ma I've gotta go, Eren just got home...yeah I'll tell him you said hello. Okay, bye, love you too."

Eren walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Levi's chest just as he was putting his phone down on the table.

He pressed soft kisses to Levi's neck and trailed them up to his jaw, and the warmth of his mouth against Levi's cold skin was a welcome feeling. When he moved to press a kiss to the soft skin of Levi's cheek, he turned his head so that the kiss met his lips instead.

The kiss was just a gentle pressing together of their lips and Levi couldn't help but smile into it right before he pulled back to speak first.

"Thank fuck you're back, I was starting to get tired of waiting for you."

Levi saw Eren's eyes widen just a fraction before the other boy couldn't help but let a big smile take over his face while he buried his face back into the smaller boy's neck. Levi knew he could be a bit blunt and rude in the way he spoke sometimes but Eren never seemed to mind it. In fact most of the time, like now, he seemed to find it endearing and Levi was grateful for that.

Eren lifted his head back up and pressed his forehead to Levi's. There was that stupidly happy smile still on his face as he looked at Levi and he just rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's joyful expression.

"I missed you."

Levi huffed a breathy laugh out into the sliver of space that separated their lips and rubbed his forehead against Eren's before he pulled back so he could look at the other boy better. "You're such a loser. You were only gone for two days...but I missed you too." Levi dropped his gaze to the floor and his voice got quieter when he got to the end of his sentence. He wasn't exactly good at being verbally emotional because he never seemed to be able to find the right words, but he did try on occasion for Eren.

Eren's smile gentled at Levi's mumbled confession and the light blush that had started creeping onto his cheeks. He pushed off from the back of the chair and moved around to the front to lift Levi out of it without warning, causing him to let out a shout of surprise. The glare he got in return might have scared anyone else away but Eren was used to the surly expressions. Eren just laughed and spun around a few times in their small kitchen with Levi held securely in his arms like a princess.

When Eren put him back down he made sure that Levi's bare feet rested on top of his own and he wrapped both of his arms around his lower back to support most, if not all, of his smaller boyfriend's weight. Levi wrapped his arms around Eren's neck and tried to keep the scowl on his face but couldn't quite manage it with the sweet way Eren was currently looking at him, the edges of his lips trying - and succeeding - to pull up into a small smile.

Levi pressed his forehead into Eren's shoulder when he felt him start to sway them back and forth in place and he finally let himself have a real smile when Eren placed a kiss to whatever part of his head that he could reach without having to put even a centimeter of space between them. He felt his body relax a bit as he took in the familiarity of it all, slow dancing in Eren's warm arms in their kitchen.

It was a comfort knowing that this was and would be a constant part of life for them. The soft, slow, romantic moments like this felt completely like home just for the two for the two of them and they somehow meant the world to Levi like nothing else ever could and Eren always seemed to know when Levi needed them.

"I love you Levi."

"I love you too Eren." Levi leaned back in Eren's arms to look up at his face, "What do you say we make some lunch and spend the rest of the day watching shitty movies in bed?"

"Sounds good to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all probably noticed but my boys are very out of character and that's very much on purpose. Eren is way less angry and Levi won't seem like such an emotionless hard ass because this is an AU so the canon experiences that gave them those traits never happened here. They'll probably slowly shift to more canon personalities as the fic goes on and shit really hits the fan but I'm gonna let my beautiful sons be happy for now because they fuckin deserve it
> 
> Also I'm pretty much gonna be using things I know from real life to progress Levi's cancer and everything that comes with it from here on out because I have literally been through this before but if I ever get anything like really inaccurate, I'm not opposed to being corrected (because it's been a while since I was in this kind of setting and I know I don't remember everything)

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapter just so I could get the basic setup done for this fic
> 
> My knowledge of Houston/Sam Houston is limited because I live quite a few hours away but I like the area, so I'm just gonna use what I know from my own experience as a dancer and a sick person who lives in Texas so uhm please bare with my inaccuracies. Also I know Levi is 18 in this but I've literally been seeing the same pedi doc since I was an 8 year old sick kid and will continue to do so until I'm 22 so I'm gonna use the state children's hospital when the story actual gets there because I'm familiar with it
> 
> This fic has a spotify playlist attached to it because I can't write without music and every chapter will be named after a song that fits the mood or that I just happened to be listening to on repeat while writing. The playlist can be found [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/c.briana98/playlist/0Uk0ar2BYgxEWSAEe7fHlE)


End file.
